Letters to Orlando: Part III

Dear Good Life,

I'm quite unsure as to why I don't have views like this regularly.

Also in question: Why don't I have 5 pillows and spend my days lounging?

Please get back to me on that.

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Dear Confernce Coordinators, 

Let me just tell you, I'm touched.

You've done what no one else has been able to do before.

You spelled and pronounced my name right.

For the first time, I was not "Maria Magagnoootie"

It feels so good to be me.

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Dear Cabana Boy, 

You were nothing like what the movies had led me to expect.
You wore your shirt, and your skin did not glisten, nor did your eyes twinkle or your smile shine.
In a word, disappointing.

Although you did bring me fresh fruit.

Still, the illusion was shattered.

I'm trying not to hold you personally responsible.

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Dear Room Service Leftovers,

You were incredibly ...

Tough, I think, is the nice way of putting it.

Apparently there is a reason that people order a new bagel every morning, instead of just snacking on what they didn't eat the day before.

Who knew?

As you can see, I was not deterred.

Also, I'd like to be able to place dirty dishes outside of my door at home, and have them disappear.

Please get to work on arranging that.

Many thanks.

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Dear Handsome, 

I forgive you for calling and waking me up 3 hours before my alarm.

I forgive you for calling and waking me up to tell me that you slept through your own alarm.

I'd say I forgive your liking me so much that you still share your stories with me, 10 years in, but we both know there's nothing to forgive.

I've loved you longer than most 3rd graders have been alive, and I'll love you when those 3rd graders are old and gray.

Of course, you and I will always be 19.

Young forever,

TFW

For more Letters To Orlando: Part I, Part II, Part IV