Nope. Still not it. Not a baby. Even though my apparently insane sweet husband said to RG the other morning, "Riley girl, you need a baby brother." To which I respond really? REALLY? As though she's not still a baby?? Yes, really. He really said that. But no. Not a baby. We're talking expectations. Again.
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| See, husband? That's a baby you're holding right thar. A giant baby, yes, but she's still a baby. BAE-BEE. Babies do not need baby brothers. I don't know how much more clear I can be on that point. |
Sometimes I wonder how I can still be learning this same lesson. How can it be taking me so long to figure this out. But somehow I am. Expecting things of myself. Expecting things of Riley, of Husband, of Duke. Things like for RG to take a longer-than-twenty-seven-minutes nap, or for myself to have time to blog, and ideas to write about. Expecting Handsome to just know that I feel a little trapped sometimes and need time out of the house. Expecting a schedule to emerge from our chaos, because "they" say it does. Bah. I see no schedule. I see no "regular" day.
I know that you say I'm "ahead of the curve" and "doing great". Thanks for that. But at the same time, it still feels so much like floundering. Like groping my way along in the dark. I'm tired of feeling like I am missing the mark. I don't think much is actually going to change around here with regards to that, but I know that I can change my perspective. And I'm going to do it on here, on this b-log, so that (1) I stay accountable to working on it, (2) I have easy fodder for blog posts [just being real] and (3) we can all see the faithfulness of God as he works out my heart and teaches me grace and peace. So in May, I'm going to attempt to do a 31-days thing, where I talk about the same thing for 31 days. *YAY*
I'm not telling you the actual 31-days topic yet because I'm not exactly sure what is needed to combat these unreasonable and totally without-grace expectations everyone loves a surprise, right? But be sure to check back on May 1 when I kick it off! Happy end of April, y'all.
xoxo, M.
I think a lot of parenting feels "like floundering." Or trying to make your way through the dark. And then one day you look around you and think " hey, we've got a pretty good handle on this." And it's a pretty great feeling. And then the next day your kid starts teething/potty training/attituding (yah, it's a word if i say it is) and you are thrown back into the dark. It's a ride, this raising kids thing. I am excited to see this 31 days challenge :)
ReplyDeleteOh and yes, you're husband is insane.
i wish i had been blogging 17 years ago, because i remember those months with the first little one. and just wanting things to feel normal again. and posts like this would have made me feel less alone. good thing babies are SO cute, right? she is adorable, and you are doing a great job. hang in there.
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