Measuring My Days

As I was pseudo-falling asleep last night (this pregnancy doesn't really allow me to *drift* off to sleep, I more just lay and will it), I started asking God to help me "number" my days.  It seemed biblical to me, seeing as its basically a bible verse ("Teach us to number our days, that we might get a heart of wisdom" - Psalm 90:12).  Seemed sound enough to me.  But what my heart was really asking, what I wanted to know, was what measuring stick I should be using for grading my days.

Children.
They have hard days.
They have long days.
But I don't know that they're ever concerned with "doing enough" in their days.
They're just excited to see the lions.
BWHAAARRG!
(that's how RG things lions sound)

Productivity: Made two bags, did one load of laundry, washed half the dishes - solid B.

Generosity: Took time on the phone with a friend who was down, even though I needed to do other things.  Stopped by Goodwill with my gently used clothes and didn't try and pawn off any of the crappy stuff... that's an A-.

Relational: Made my husband's lunch *and* listened to him talk his thoughts through about whether hunting the closest State Game Lands or the largest State Game Lands would be most beneficial for next month.  GOLD. STAR.

Spiritually: Missed reading my bible this morning.  Did remember to say grace for two meals.  Okay, one.  RG's nighttime prayer consisted entirely of "Dear Jesus" and "Aye-meyn".  Below average.

Health-wise: Ate a balanced breakfast, walked 2 miles, and didn't order pizza for dinner.  Winning! 

That's all I wanted, you see.  A measuring stick to tell me that I'm doing enough, being enough, hitting all of the high points.  Tangentially related to the way I felt when Riley was new, and I got it in my head that the goal of each day was for my baby girl to sleep an appropriate amount for each and every nap.

Let's just say, that failed.  And similarly, however I decide I am measuring my days, I'm going to fail at that, too.  I am many things, but perfect, steadfast, infallible, I am not those things.  So the deal is, whatever measure I pick, if I'm actually trying for it, I'm going to pick something I can't actually do.  Which means I'll declare my own days to be failures.  I'll fail myself, essentially.

I don't know about you, but I have enough going on.  I don't need to be failing myself on top of everything else.  I've said ti before, I at least need to be on my own team.  And what about God?  This all started with me asking Him the question.  What does He say?  How should I make my days count?  What measuring stick should I use?

How about none?

Does that sound like a thing?  I'm not entirely certain, but I've been reading (when I remember) in Galatians, and its all about how we used to be slaves to a law, we used to have to try and try and exert enormous amounts of effort in order to be good enough.  And it was never enough.  But then Jesus.  And now we are free.  F-R-double-E, free.  Free from having to measure up, from needing to do this business on our own power, free from any sort of grading system. 

To me, a recovering Type A, this is both liberating and ridiculously confusing. Yay, I'm not failing, but am I passing?  If there is no measure, how do I know if I'm doing enough?  How can I even tell when I've had a good day or a bad day?  

I don't know.  I have no answers for you today.  Today, I wore leggings as pants, to my professional job.  I swore I'd never do that.  I played Fun. radio for my students during in-class work time, nearly replied to an email with a Grumpy Cat meme, and ate copious amounts of sodium-filled fast food.  Perhaps I just want to not have to be measured because I'd fall so short today, but if I'm honest, in different ways, nearly every day could be counted as much of a fail as this one.  But at the same time, God made this day.  He made me to enjoy it.  He set me free from having to work for it.  This day is good.  Even if I can't measure it, I suppose I can declare it.  And with that, I'm headed to my weekend.  Have a good weekend, friends.  Trust me.

<3 M.