Gardening: Mistaken Identity & Intruders

The dear garden and I have had some difficulties this week.  There have been presumptions made that later turned out to be untrue (you know what they say about assuming...).  I've found some intruders, and unwelcome ones at that.  Don't worry, I dealt with them appropriately.  At least, I thought I did.  The stern talking to and finger waggling seems to have done nothing to expedite their departure.  Perhaps you can help figure out a way to move them along.

Here's the latest.

Our humble abode.  You'll notice that the gangs still here.
We've had a few disagreements, but they've been resolved without forced departure.
However, if the onions don't stop making the zucchini cry, we're going to have problems.

The Lone Survivor: a cucumber plant left over from last year.
Truth is, I pulled all of the other sprouts I found, but the cucumber doesn't know this;
he thinks I'm awesome.

Baby Romas.  I'm so pumped to meet these guys!
Yeah, they're kind of misshapen, but what new baby's head isn't?

Baby Better Boy.  So nice and round.  Must have been a C-section.
I think the same thing when I see a baby with a nice and round head.
Its unnatural on a newborn.

With all the ado about the new tomato babies, the leaves have been mostly ignored.
That was a mistake.
Last time I ignored the leaves, these guys showed up.
This had better not be a precursor.

Turning over these leaves, I find these little buggers.
I have a strong hatred growing in my heart for these guys.
I think they're spider mites, but I'm not sure.
I sprayed the crap out of them on Wednesday, and there's less of them today, but they're not gone.
I'll hate them until they're gone.

The Zucchini plant is growing tall and strong, but no flowers yet.
This isn't a problem, since I don't really use zucchini and I need time to look up recipes.
I'm still searching.

The spinach seems to be sporting a new look.
I'm thinking its a phase, like a piercing or JNKO jeans (holla 8th grade!)
I find it unsightly, but not actually offensive, so I'll let it play out.

On Wednesday, I saw this sprouting out of the potato mounds.
I got a little bit excited, thinking it was a potato plant.
I'm dumb.
Potato plants don't look like this, but weeds do.
I would have gone on imagining this to be a potato plant if not for... *drumroll please*

A REAL POTATO PLANT!!
I'm so excited.  I'm jumping around while I type this.
Believe me, it makes it difficult but not impossible.
And this isn't the only one, either.  There's like, 9 of them!  All sprouting up!

And the final fine specimen in the garden is...

Handsome!

This is him, drinking soup out of container.  I'm leaving him tomorrow for 5 days.  This example of survivor's instinct right here gives me no reason to doubt that he will be alive & kicking & not starving when I get back.  Last time I left him, he ate s'mores out of the microwave.  We've come a long way, baby.  Oh, and his shirt?  Nothing short of classy.

Soccer By Day

Chicks By Night

Sorry ladies, he's taken,

TFW