Words v. Actions

Handsome and Duke have a love-hate relationship.  Always have.  After we got Duke, it took months before I quit worrying that H. would sell him/drown him (it was a common threat).  The whole house-breaking thing really threw Handsome off his game, and he just wasn't in love with this animal living in his house.  Or so he said with his words.

They do look legitimately skeptical of each other here...
AND DUKE WAS SO ITTY BITTY!! AWWW!!

Since that time, through many hours of training on Duke's part and a gradual acclimating on H's, the two have come to an agreement: Duke adores Handsome, and Handsome "tolerates" Duke, as far as verbal is concerned.  Actions, however, tell a different story.

I'll leave the house, and come back hours later to find the two of them asleep on the floor.  H. is sweaty, Duke is panting.  They've wrestled the entire time I've been gone.  Its something that Handsome has just always done with Dukey; something I can't seem to do.  I've tried to learn the wrestling moves (H. gives them names like "Death Trap" and "Vortex" and "Snake Bite"), but I just don't have that... killer play instinct, I guess.

So today, when Handsome said to Duke, "Duke, sometimes I want to chop you right here, and sever your spine, so you can't follow me around anymore.  You'd just have drag yourself everywhere," I wasn't very concerned.  Because, although he's a fighter with his words...

I know he's a lover at heart.

Circus Master, AKA,

TFW

Why SC is awesome in January

I love it down here.  It was 52*F today, on the 4th of January, in the year 2012.  For those of you keeping records, that's approximately 27*F warmer than it was in PA.  And I enjoyed every degree of it, as did Duke-a-loop.

The lakes around here are not quite full, as can be seen by the rim of orange clay around the shores of the lakes.  But they're lovely all the same.

Clemson U. may be currently losing the Orange Bowl, as I type (by about 29 points, so a comeback would be amazing and unlikely), but Clemson the city is all gloriousness and sunshine.

Handsome put both of us back on WeightWatchers.  That is, Handsome and I, not Duke and I.  Duke has no weight issues or problems getting enough exercise.

Least-Favorite Christmas Tradition

Crying is my least-favorite Christmas tradition.

Christmas for me has changed drastically over the years.  I mean, there was the whole childhood-wonder-presents-are-where-it's-at phase, but even after that, it has just kept changing.  

When I started dating Handsome, we were very much involved with each others families.  As a result, for EIGHT years, we ran around on Christmas Eve like crazy people, driving through snow and ice to make it to no fewer than... lemme count... sometimes 5...no, wait, 6 events on Christmas night.  There's the pagent, then church with my family, then back out to Seminole for the Mag. party, then into Frogtown (yes, the true name of a place I grew up) for the All. party, then back out to Newbie for mass, and then finally to open our presents together (always after midnight, so it was technically Christmas).  We didn't generally partake in the Christmas morning festivities with each other's families while we were dating, so the day of would be somewhat quieter.

This isn't my picture, but I have one.
Only it's better, because it's John Deere, and not Farmall.
Sorry, it's just how I was raised.

Enter 2 rings and some vows, and then Christmas day was just as crazy as it's Eve.  It was morning at my in-laws, followed by brunch at my parents, then to H's mom's mom's for lunch and presents, then jet off for a 45-min ride to my mom's mom's, then back to town for a little bit of H's dad's mom's again.

Really, it's raising my heart rate just to think about it.  

Every year, do you know what for-sure would happen on Christmas Eve?  Other than Santa coming?  I'd cry.  Every year.  It was just too stressful.  There was no way to meet everyone's expectations, and in the rush, we did not enjoy ourselves.  It was hurry hurry, arrive, enjoy, hurry and leave, hurry hurry, arrive, enjoy, hurry and leave *we're late!* hurry hurry, arrive, hurry leave (whoops! forgot to enjoy!) hurry hurry... the whole time.  

I Do What I Want

Handsome was trecking back through pictures on FB the other day with the guys at the Fire Station.  He told me they looked at pictures "of me being a bride".  Not pictures "of our wedding".  Bless him.

He must have also scrolled back through his own profile pictures, and I can only assume he was looking at this one when he made the following comment.

H: "Look at me.  That's from when I used to beat people up.  I used to kill people for fun."

And that's a fail on the sociopath test for November, in case anyone else is counting.

Welcome to the gun show,

TFW

31 Days: Homophone

Definition: 2 or more words having the same pronunciation but different meanings, origins, or spellings.

Example: Bow, Beau.  Sean, Shawn.  Billed, Build.  Burough, Burrow, Burro.

Truth: I had to look up the definition, and then I looked up a list and picked the letter B.  I came up with the Sean/Shawn thing all by myself.  Actually, until I was well into highschool (still think it should be one word), I thought there was Shawn and Sean (pronounced Seen).  Couldn't figure out why anyone would want to name their kid Seen.  

Other Truth:  I don't care about homophones.  Even Onomatopoeia's don't really get me going.  What I want to write about is how I chopped down a 20-foot pine tree yesterday using only a handsaw and a dull hatchet.  And now I have 3 blisters.  And I put shingles on a roof today, so now I can add that to my list of "Things I know how to do at least moderately well".  I want to just pour out all of these confessions, probably mostly because Handsome has been working a lot lately, and Duke is still refusing to talk to me since I won't let him sit on the couch with me.  I want to tell you that I had chocolate bars and apple pie for dinner, and while it tasted good in my mouth, it's wreaking such havoc on my stomach that I've promised myself no junk food for a week.  I want to get your insight on what exactly you think "No junkfood" means.  Does it mean only stuff I buy at the store (for example the Cheetos can hidden on the top shelf behind the oatmeal) or does it mean no baking, too?  Since apple pie was an equal contributor to the problem I'm suffering from, I'm going to say it means no baked goods, too.  What about chips?  What if there's salsa with the chips?  Salsa is a great source of vegetables...  I want to tell you that my sister is newly and suddenly and wonderfully and happily married, and I'm thrilled about it.  I want to tell you that I moved a week ago and just tonight found the box my bible was packed in, and these last two weeks, while they've been hectic in general, have kind of sucked without spending that time I used to spend reading and praying.  I want to tell you that sewing a baby vest for a Toadstool halloween costume is a little trickier than just making squares out of T-shirts.  I WANT TO TELL YOU ALL OF THIS.

But...

I still haven't found my camera cord, and I feel like there is only so much of the picture my words can paint.  I really think that perhaps my camera is my muse (mews - another homophone), and without it, I've just felt defeated before even starting. So my plan is thus: Resolved that I will buy a new camera that has a cord.  Done.  SYKE!  

I'm going to keep unpacking and try to find it.  And I'm probably going to be more absent in this month that I've promised to write every day than I ever have been before.  That's how things roll around here.  On a final note, Handsome has failed his sociopath test for the month.

M: You have a Daddy Longleg's crawling on you.

D: Fun fact - if you squeeze a daddy longleg's leg really tightly for a while, it just falls off.  

M: That's gross.

D: Sometimes I like to just leave him there, the little ball with no legs, and let him think about what he's done.

-Fail (homophone: faille) - 

gross.  Grosse.

Muse-less,

TFW

*To see the other 31 Days: Home posts, check out the bottom of this link.

Doing New Things

Yesterday was so good, so busy, so "Getting Crap Done"-awesome that I just didn't even have time to tell you all (still can't "y'all") about it.  Really, it was wonderful.  Afternoon classes were cancelled, because of a job fair.  

Who goes to job fairs?  People looking to gain employment.  Who is not looking to gain employment?  Yours truly!  (Ha!  A job!  A person would have to graduate from, and then not go back to, school in order to get one of those...)  So that left me off the hook for the afternoon (homework and pending research aside).

I headed out to our local Habitat for Humanity thrift store.  This was key as they are only open during certain obscure hours, and I've been trying to go out there to look for (a) a refrigerator, (b) a dresser, or (c) anything that looks necessary to the success of our new home-ownership-ness.

Well, the only refrigerator there was born before I was.  That is my number one rule of appliances - never by anything older than me.  Someday, when there are little people running around and I want something new, I might amend that to read "Never by any appliance older than the youngest person in your house."  Just for future reference.

So no fridge, but I did score this awesome table for $10!  I plan to use it for crafting/homeworking in our 3rd spare oohm when we move.

It's more awesome when it's set up than it looks here.
Really, I don't think there is much that looks totally awesome, stacked behind the weed-eater and covered in cardboard.
[except YOUR MOM!]

Also, something (I was going to say The Spirit, but I'm thinking not) came over me, and I stepped out of my comfort zone.  Really, this was a stretch for me.  I...  bought... 

... decorations!

I think the thought of having my own house has started to change me!
I might keep fruit in the basket.
I <3 that basket.

Can you believe it?!  I'm having trouble myself, and I'm the one who carried them around the store for 20 minutes, then finally paid the *quickmath* $7.97 for the whole lot and hauled them home.  It wasn't the best deal I've ever found (see above), but I was afraid that if I waited for the blue tags to be 50% off, someone else would snatch them up.

Apparently Handsome also had some trouble believing, as we had the following conversation about 30 minutes after I had showed them to him.  We had moved on to other things, talked, been quiet, and even had lunch, when this came up:

H: What did you say those were for?

M: I told you, I think they're decorations.

H: What for?  What are you going to do with them?

M: Well, from what I understand, people decorate with them.

H: Where are you going to put it?  You're just going to set a pot down and call it a decoration?

M: No, I thought I would maybe put them on a shelf together, with a potted flower or something.

H: That is homosexual.  A pot with flowers beside it?  Really?

(a) I understand his use of the word "homosexual" might offend some people.  sorry.  As a note, there is another, much more offensive Handsome story coming up at the end, and if you care to retain any affection for us at all, please stop reading if this one offended you.  It gets much worse.

(b) I wish you could imagine the incredulity on his face when he asked the last 2 questions.  Like I had suggested we stuff Duke and put him on a shelf with flowers.  Which has also been discussed from time to time in our home.  I can't explain these things.

On the eve of our anniversary...

Tomorrow Handsome and I are going out to celebrate our anniversary.

Which is nice.

And we have small Leather gifts for each other, because that is the traditional gift for year 3.  

I'd tell you what Handsome's gift is, but then you'd tell him and and then it wouldn't be a surprise... Its really hard for me to keep his presents a secret from him.  Really, the only saving grace tonight is that he's on shift so I can't tell him.  But tomorrow, I'm going to give him his little present (because we both bought them off of Amazon for less than $20, including shipping), we're going to eat in a nice restaurant, and I'm going to have filet AND dessert.  Probably cheesecake.

But, lest you confuse us with any other couple, please do not imagine that Handsome has gone all mushy-romantic on me; it hasn't happened, and it won't, most likely ever, happen.  My proof is in the following two conversations, both of which were had today.

Gardening: Mistaken Identity & Intruders

The dear garden and I have had some difficulties this week.  There have been presumptions made that later turned out to be untrue (you know what they say about assuming...).  I've found some intruders, and unwelcome ones at that.  Don't worry, I dealt with them appropriately.  At least, I thought I did.  The stern talking to and finger waggling seems to have done nothing to expedite their departure.  Perhaps you can help figure out a way to move them along.

Here's the latest.

Our humble abode.  You'll notice that the gangs still here.
We've had a few disagreements, but they've been resolved without forced departure.
However, if the onions don't stop making the zucchini cry, we're going to have problems.

Not Quite a Poet

******

Him: *Playing the new Nascar game*

Me: You didn't like Nascar when I met you.  You're not the man I married.  Do you even 

       recognize yourelf in the mirror anymore?

Him: I'm like a butterfly.  Before, I was a caterpillar, and I didn't know any better.  Now I've 

       morphed into a beautiful butterfly.

Me: (Nascar fans are like butterflies?)

******

Me: *Eating breakfast*

Him: Hey.

Me: Hey, good morning!

Him: You too.  Hey, do you know where I can find a way to watch an execution?

******

Me: *Picking Handsome up from work*  Good morning!

Him: You know, I used to think you were really wimpy, but this kid got a scrape and called for 

       the ambulance the other day.  You're not as wimpy as him.
Me:  Thank you?

******

I recently had to physically put my hand over Handsome's mouth, stop him from replying from something I said, and caution him with this:

"If you feel the need, at any time in the future, to respond with some statement with a remark involving Hitler, China's one-child program, or genocide in general, please, please filter yourself."

Sometimes its just enough to get through the day.

Reveling in my very special husband,

TFW

Oh Mother!

I know, I'm trying to go to bed earlier (I might not have told you this, but I am.  And I'm sort of failing), but I just checked my email before logging off and guess what I had in there?

No, really, guess, I'll wait...

Homesick

Disclaimer to all who want us back in PA: the following comments are indicative of only Handsome's feeelings at the moment and do not in any way represent his actual thoughts or plans.

******
Me: would you really be happy staying in the south?
Him: Yeah.
Me: What about family? I miss them so much I don’t know if I could be content here.
Him: Just pretend everybody is dead. Then you think "Oh, I miss everyone. But they're all dead, so there's nothing I can do about it."
Me: Do you really think like that?
Him: Yeah. Don't you?
Me: No. No one thinks like that. No one but you.
******

Baby

******
Me: My (wisdom) tooth hurts real bad.  (In fact, it hurts so bad it awoken me out of slumber last night)
Him: Hmm... Well, babies go through this all the time, and a lot more teeth at a time.
Me: What are you saying?
Him: Babies are tough.

******

Homecoming

Handome missed me.  I can tell by the sweet things he says...

*****
Him:  Huh.
Me: Yeah?
Him: Well, you have less cellulite than you used to...

*****
Him: Pregnant women are retarded.  This one woman, she's only 5 months along, and she's bought all of these baby clothes and "I love daddy" stickers and stuff...
Me: Thats not dumb.  Thats normal.
Him: You would think that.
Me: But I'm not pregnant.
Him: Yeah, but you could become pregnant.  That means you have a tiny piece of the retardedness in you.  It will probably stay there until you're past child-bearing age.  After menopause, you'll lose the retarded part of yourself.

*****

Yep.  He missed me :)

Things My Husband Says

My husband routinely says things that either

1. Normal people do not say
2. Kind people should not say
3. No one has ever thought to say before

So, on that note, I'm going to start posting things that he says. I think he's amazing, and hilarious, and a bit odd. Perhaps someone will agree. Even if no one does, I'll still have this neat little archive. Please keep in mind that he is in love with me, and is not mean, even though some of the things he says... well, you'll see.

For today, we will highlight some great ones from the past:

********

Him: Isn't May 16th Cinco De Maio or something??"

********

Him: If we had a baby in the tub, and didn't tell anyone, and didn't register it, wouldn't that make it like, invincible?

Me: Do you mean invisible?

Him: Invisible to the government! Which pretty much makes it invincible!

********

Me: Its not that important right now that I get great grades. I'll have a job no matter what.

Him: I can't tell you not to get good grades. That would be like you telling me not to save everyone in the burning building. I'll still be a firefighter anyhow. Maybe I should just grab one or two on the way out.

Me: Its not like that at all. That is a life or death situation. Mine is not.

Him: Here. Get good grades or I'll shoot you in the face. Now its a life or death situation.

********

Like I said. He is a nice man. He's not violent. However, he does get a kick out of being inappropriate, and he mixes up his words sometimes. And did I mention he's amazing?