I Want To Not Be Crazy

Hey y'all!  I don't know if you knew this, but we are in countdown mode here in the M-hiz-ouse!  We've got 8 days left as a family of 3, and its really just hard to believe.  This pregnancy has been long and while mostly uneventful from bambino/a's point of view, its been hard on my body.  All the same, it feels like I have been and will continue to be pregnant forever, in a sort of "I was born this way and I will die this way" feeling.

False.

I will have a new baby to hold and snuggle and breathe in the scent of just outside of a week.  One week from today, it will be one more sleep until I am counting fingers and toes!  Of course, "sleep" seems a generous term for what I've been doing lately, but whatevs.  I've been uber-blessed by the gift of a whole semester of maternity leave, and there's literally nothing I need to be doing other than getting to know my new baby and introducing him/her to my first baby, and finding our rhythm.  I've never had that before, since I was doing my dissertation last time 'round, and so I'm excited!

All the same, there is something that I'm a wee bit concerned about, and so I wanted to work through it with words here, and see if I can come to any conclusion.

My patented baby sleep trifecta:
Woombie
WubbaNub**
Whitenoise Machine**
60% of the time, it works every time.
*note - that saying is probably more accurate here than its ever been*
**affiliate link

Last time 'round, I was cray cray.  Not diagnosed with anything, but it was definitely a dark time for me.  Mostly due to the fact that I don't operate well on sleep deprivation.  I just don't.  Other people do.  I'm happy for them.  I don't understand them, and they certainty don't understand me, but different strokes and all that jazz.  Everything, and I do mean e-v-e-r-y-thing was centered around RG sleeping.  When we got up, how long we were up, what we did while awake, what I ate, what I watched, what rooms I spent time in, the temperature of the house... it was more than a little out of control.  In fact, it was me grasping for control in a situation where there was none to be found.

This time, I don't want to be (and don't exactly have the luxury of being) crazy.  I don't want to get so preoccupied with finding sleep that I lose sight of knowing my new baby, of loving on my toddler, of appreciating my husband.  I'm pretty sure the dog would also appreciate it if I didn't forget to feed him as regularly.

I know more this time.  I know that it is in fact a stage.  That it will pass.  There are no 8 year-olds that I know of who don't sleep.  [Note: If you have/know of such an 8-year old, do not tell me.  I will cut you.] I don't know exactly what it looks like to have two babies at home, I've never done this and I don't know how it goes, but I do know more than I did last time, and that has to help.  As a friend told me last time, while teaching my baby to sleep is important, it is not THE most important thing I will teach them.  And Rileygirl will be watching me this time - that's definitely something to remember.

So I'm going to try my darndest to keep it all in perspective.  And I'm going to give myself some grace, remembering that each day does not dictate the next 25 years.  That young babies and toddlers have a glorious, nearly-magical quality of resetting every night, remembering nearly nothing from the day before.  It can be frustrating when its "do NOT throw your yogurt on the floor" for the bazillionth time, but its life-giving in the setting of needing to start fresh.

One word: ROUND.

Keep an eye out, it won't be long now before I've got some brand-new lovely, chunky cheeks to show you on here!  Take care, friends!

<3 M.