Composition of a Life

I've been thinking so very much lately about my living room.

What?  Did you think it would be poignant? 

(anyone other than me feel so impressed with themselves when they spell poignant right the first time? anyone?)

We've been in our house for 3 years now.  Somehow, we still seem to be in the college-furniture stage of our lives, despite being fully grown with 3+ jobs between us.  We're debt-averse, and we're not much for form over function, and our little people, well, they're why we can't have nice things, on So. Many. Levels.

Anyhow, sometimes I get dissatisfied with my living room.  Its silly, but it just doesn't have the look that I see in other people's houses.  It doesn't look "inviting" to me, and it definitely doesn't scream finished.  I just get out of sorts about it every once in a while.  

So one night, I decided to flip my thinking and determine what exactly I felt it was missing.  Instead of stewing over a feeling, I decided to think about it rationally, and then move.  So I looked at pictures of living rooms I like, I compared them to what I had, and I made some concrete examples.  Things I want to have in a my living room, as an adult person who works and makes money.  Things such as:

• A rug
• Soft, cuddle-able blankets
• Ceramic logs in our gas fireplace, instead of an old piece of wood and a bunch of air
• A coffee table that we can sit around and play games on

These are the things that I believe would lead me to feel more satisfied with my living room.  Now, knowing them doesn't mean that I am ready to fill up my Wayfair.com cart and pull the trigger, or take my checkbook and head to IKEA.  But now at least I know what changes I'm moving towards.  We'll probably get those ceramic logs first, since it will make a big impact at Christmastime, and that makes me happiest.  And then I'll add a blanket or two, because its easy.  Eventually I'll have the right rug in mind, and we'll get that hook up.  And someday, our living room will reflect the kind of life that I want to live in it.

I've also been thinking about my life.  About how I have been feeling so very much a victim of circumstance lately.  It is at least in part due to the fact that as a nursing mama, I'm subject to the whims of a tiny tyrant I created.  But as well, things have been moving so fast, and I've been treading water, trying to feed everyone and not turn into "Mad Mama" as my daughter calls it.  I don't like living that way.  I've just recently gotten to the post-baby state where I can be thinking about the kind of person I'd like to be someday; it strikes me that I won't end up that person by accident.  And it would be such a pity for my life to metaphorically resemble my living room in its current state.  

So I'm taking stock.  I'm carving out a bit of time for reflection and goal setting.  I need to figure out who I want to be, what I want this life I'm given to look like, how I want this second decade of my marriage to work out, even what I want my kids to remember about their childhoods.  Without this legwork, I will end up a result of my circumstances and reactions.  Nah.  That's not what I was made for.  There is more available to me, I know, if I will simply be intentional and proactive.

I don't for one minute imagine that by setting these goals I'll achieve them.  Even with the living room parallel, knowing how I want it to look doesn't make it that way.  As I grow, as I age, as time moves on, I will likely change the ideas I'm forming now.  I'll want different things, want to be a different kind of person.  The intentionality, though, I think its still key.  

I'm gonna work up a list, and I may even share it here, because I love this space for reflecting and setting things into words.  What about you (if there's even any "you"s out there, since this has been dormant for the better part of 2 years)?  Where have you been intentional?  Do you believe in deciding how and who you want to be, or do you prefer to think less about it?  Its so funny how we can forget that the way our brain works isn't necessarily the way someone else thrives.  I'd love to know what you do!

<3 M.

Look-Ahead

There's just something wonderful about the starting place.  Before the first step has been made, before the first word written or ingredient added, before any progress has been charted - there's that sweet spot where anything is possible.  Sunday nights are my sweet spot.  I like what I do, so I don't fear Monday morning, although it's not always welcome, either.  Sunday nights, I like to make a plan for the week.  What I have coming up, what I have to accomplish, what I'd like to do.

It's no wonder, when I was situated in the green-upon-green sanctuary that my backyard is currently turning into, that I got a little bit more introspective than normal.  A regular ole' week's plan wasn't enough for me.  I thought I'd take it just a wee step further into "What I want out of life".  You know, because I'm all about things done in moderation #sarcasm

TCofTFW: I've recently started liking twitter a bunch more (find me here!) and I feel like I want to abuse the heck out of hashtags all the time.  So #prepareyourself because you'll probably be seeing a #crapton more of #these.

So, since I've got this over-worked left-side-of-my-brain, I had to make a list.  And it had to be actionable, as in, leading to action.  Another list-that-sits-in-my-purse-until-it-falls-out-in-my-car-and gets-smushed-into-the-side-pockets-on-my-door-destined-for-a-gas-station-trash-can is not going to help me any.  But something that propels me to act, that gives me clear direction, that could work.

A few points off of my list have obvious actions that go along with them.  For example, I want a cleaner house.  Ergo, I need to clean more regularly and/or make less of a mess.  I've been doing better this past week, but I think it's time to step up my game and perhaps make myself a chore chart.  Yes, its juvenile, but if it works, I'm not concerned.  I may even give myself stickers when I do a good job.  Don't judge, you want stickers too.

New Goals

I have goals.  Often they change with the moment.  Sometimes they are stated, and sometimes they are obvious only in reflection.  Like tonight, apparently, my goal was to consume waaaay too many not-even-my-best-ever no-bake cookies.  Apparently, my goal was to consume so many that I had to resort to desperate measures to undo all that snacking.

(a) I hate that guy's commentary.
(b) sometimes I think I don't like him as a person very much, either.
(c) I only made it through 25 minutes.
(d) that 25 minutes "undid" 2 cookies

But let's talk about intentional goals.  Measurable, observable, and with a deadline.  The good type.

Last week my goal was shoppe-related: 3 new purses made by end of business on Sunday.  And I reached that goal.  I had a few spare hours, thought, "gee, what ever will I do?" and my goals directed me; laundry?  No way!  I've got purses to sew!  New shoppe goal?  3 "small" sewn things by next Sunday.  Ima gonna knock it out!

This Sunday I made a new goal: 4+ days this week with bible & prayer time.  I need this.  My soul needs this.  The big changes God is about to wrought (I don't even know what that means) in my life need this goal to be achieved.  So this morning, instead of 16 more minutes of sleeping, I did it.  Because my goal gave me direction.

And now, after an abominable showing this afternoon, I have a new goal.  Not to supersede the others, but alongside them.  This new goal can be summed up in one word: Punctuality.  I am a firm believer, especially in the business world, but in a person's personal life, as well, that punctuality shows respect.  It suggests an understanding that the other person has value and their time is important.  And me?  Well, I seem to be forever running behind.  

And that's going to get my behind in deep trouble if I don't shape up.