Birthday Thoughts & Adventures

Its my birthday.

Numero 29, friends.  

The number, well, it means pretty much nada to me.  Whatevs.  But the present of a new year laid out before me, the potential that brings with it...  I'll tell you what, it makes me downright introspective.  Makes me want to consider the past year and look to the new, decide what I want to do and be, make goals and order my thoughts.  And so I will, because its my birthday and I can plan and dream and scheme and hope if I want to!

1.  In this new year of mine, I want to chase after God like never before.  I want to center around Him, look first to Him, consider His words and ways and actually act on them.  I saw an instagram post recently that highlighted 4 women to follow, because they were living their lives full of passion and Jesus.  And I want that.  Not to be listed on someone's instagram feed, that is inconsequential.  But when I thought about being described that way, I didn't see it in myself.  And I want to see it.  I'm planning to be bold, folks.  I'm new here, and that helps a lot, but either way, I'm planning on Jesus first, and then anything else, and I'm excited for what that's going to be like.

2.  I want to embrace hard work.  Often times I feel like running from it.  C'mon, you know you do too.  I put off the least desirable task because, well, its least desirable.  But that doesn't make it go away.  It just makes it even more of a stressor, and often makes it even more difficult to get to, and worse when I finally do.  That's not smart.  Its not wise.  Its not the best approach.  If I can teach myself to do the hard stuff first, to figure out what needs to be done and do it (& well!) regardless of how much I like it, I believe that will make me leagues more successful.  Planning out my classes for the fall, down to the daily lecture level?  Sounds kind of terrible and like it'd be nice to ignore - Ima gonna do it.  Picking up after myself as the day goes on?  It'd be nice to just live and hope that a housekeeper gets lost and comes to my house - it's time to keep up with the chaos.  Stopping my activities and giving Handsome full attention?  Its harder than it should be a lot of the time, but it deserves to be done, and it ought not be delayed.

3.  I want to live out grace for myself.  A few years ago I decided to change personality types, move from a type-A to type-B.  I can't say I've ever really gotten there, and perhaps that's the wrong way to describe it, but I want to keep trying.  To me, this means not measuring every breath as a success or a failure; not keeping so focused on the clock that I forget to enjoy the people I'm with; no longer following too many rules and not enough jokes.  To me it means relaxation and rest, intentional attention and valuing other people over my schedule.  It just seems like a better way of life, you know?

4.  Finally, I want to seek out adventure and passion and life-giving things.  Today, for my birthday, I got the wild idea that we should drive out to Lake Erie and see the Ice Dunes (huge ice jams on the beaches caused by waves that freeze - what the what!?).  It didn't really have much purpose to it other than as an excursion, and it would have been easier to stay home, but we didn't.  We did the hard work (See #2) of getting ourselves and our toddler bundled up and out of the house, and drove out to the park.  We got way more than we bargained for!

Ice fishing diehards.
Impressive, from the warmth of my car.

We saw ice fishing in action (brand new experience), stood on a frozen bay that we'd previously been on in a boat (wild!), saw someone kite-skating (think parachute, windy day, harness, and ice skates) and got to experience a frozen beach.  I'm talking sand and snow mixed at your feet.  It was weird, people, but there was a sense of adventure in it and the wide open space let my soul breathe.  I needed that little trip, and I'm convinced that I need more like them.  So this year, I want to purse those experiences - the ones where you are just embracing life, finding joy and beauty and newness because you took the time to look.

Standing on the bay.
Sure, there are more exciting things, but still.
It was fun and now we've done it!

This is a beach, folks.
Like, sand that goes right up to the water.
Except now its walls of ice that lead down to sheets of ice.
I loved it.

Rileygirl didn't get to go out on the ice, but she had a good time anyhow.
I'm trying to embrace this time while she still doesn't really know when she's missing out ;)

So that's my goals, my hopes, my thoughts for this new year.  I'm excited for what its going to bring (like a new baby in only 5 sleeps!!) and to see who I become this year.  I can't stay the same, none of us can, and so I'm looking forward to see who I'll become!  Enjoy my birthday, friends!

<3 M.

Goodbye Babyhood

I have a bhsthaldkjfaldkjfbalkshfuiewoeylkdklalalalala.

Ahem.  Let me try again.  

I really need to *say* this outloud.  It's part of the coping.

I have a ...toddler.

Bah!  It's not true.  It can't be true.  I really thought that my bambina was still a bitty baby, but she's not.  She went ahead and done did proved it by taking some halting steps on her first day as a 1-year-old.  Today (her 2nd day as a 1yo) she took 6 in a row.  Twice.  That, my friends, is what we call walking.

Except she's not very good at it, so as she attempts to walk she... *wait for it* ... toddles.  She is one who toddles.  She is a toddler.

I quit.

I mean...

I'd like the days to stop, please.  I'd like to capture this moment right here, and not change.  I want her to continue to see bedhead every. dang. time. she wakes up from her nap.  I want those other teeth to never grow in, and the ones she has to never straighten, because that gap-y smile is the most darling smile I know.  I want to be impressed at the way she inhales 5 meatballs and then snacks on fruit until her innie belly button pops out.  I want every 6 consecutive steps to end with her flinging herself into my arms, sure that I will catch her and kiss her and tell her she's fabulous for being so brave.

I want my baby for always.  

I'm not saying that I'd like to re-start Riley Girl, to have a 2-day old on my hands this very moment.  To be honest, those first three eight 14 weeks were rough for me.  Although she was pretty awesome, I'm not very good with sleep deprivation - it's a scientific fact.  But I feel the babyness slipping away and although it's futile and silly and would mean not-so-great things developmentally for Riley, I want to grasp it.  To grab a hold of right now and not watch it go.  I don't want this to change.

But it will.  It is.  It has.  Even today, my bitty baby of a toddler grabbed her book, scootched over to me, threw it down beside us and then backed into my lap to sit down.  She's never done that before.  And after I read the book, she said "Agah!"  So I read it again.  And she yelled "Agah!" again.  And we repeated, while I fought back tears because babies don't schootch into laps and ask for what they want with language - toddlers do that.  We turned on some music, and she started dancing.  And not just her patented shoulder roll/chin bob/belly bounce.  I mean there was some fan say footwork going on.  I've never seen that before, her picking her feet up and down like someone is shooting at them and telling her to dance.  

It's already gone, my first baby's babyhood.  She's a toddler, and that's the truth.  I know that the wise mama, the seasoned mama, the mama I want to be, would accept this truth with grace.  That she would acknowledge the loss of her baby's baby-ness and look forward with anticipation to what tomorrow will bring.  Handsome & I know that our main goal is to raise our daughter to not need us; to be independent.  Toddlerhood is a step in the right direction.  I know that.  And I choose to gracefully accept that.

It just makes me cry.

It doesn't help that (a) I ate Cadbury solid milk chocolate eggs for dinner, (b) RG decided that nursing is for chumps babies, and that yesterday morning would be her last time nursing ever, and so I have weird hormones to deal with right now on top of tons of feelings, and (c) my family has abandoned me, as is always the case when visits are done.  There's a lot, to say the least.  Overall, I am so glad for this year we've had.  I am blessed beyond belief by this baby girl who has my heart but not my nose!

Looking back over it, we really had such an easy time, with the sleeping and the nursing and the feeding and the growing and the moving and the learning.  All of it, she soared through without too many hiccups.  I am so, so grateful.  And also crying.  But that's mothering, right?

<3 M.   

#One

<3 M.

Things My Baby Doesn't Need :: Etsy Edition

I might have mentioned that my baby girl's birthday is coming up.  In 8 days.  I've got a puzzle stashed away for her big day, but that's it.  And I'm not worried.  Because she doesn't need anything.  She doesn't know to want anything.  AND, in true after-christmas-baby fashion, she's just not gonna get a whole lot.  When she's older, and her current toys aren't new to her every morning, and she can't be kept happy for hours with a mylar balloon, perhaps then we'll actually buy her presents.  But until then... 

We could be called counter-cultural, choosing not to buy and buy and lavish and lavish on our 52-week-old.   (don't mind me with the weeks, I'm having more trouble than I thought with the whole "letting her grow up" thing).  Handsome prefers the term "cheap".  Maybe its a combination (but its mostly cheap).  Whatever.  All I know is that we make the rules around here, and around here, 1-year-olds don't get a ton of toys.  They just don't.  

She will get a smash cake.  Oh yes, she will.  And she will get both grandmas here to visit and kiss and cuddle with.  And there will be some decorations, and friends over to play, and music and a party.  There will be a gift or two.  But unless someone ignores the "Please, come and celebrate, but don't bring a gift" line on the party invitation facebook event e-vite, that's it.

And I'm A-okay with it.  BUT.  But.  That doesn't stop me from dreaming.  I still want to nab all of these sweet toys for my girl, and I want her to love them and play with them and appreciate them and have memories of them.  So I'm storing them here, and perhaps throughout the year we'll get her one or two.  Unless you buy them up, in which case I will cut you be sad.

So here's the things I'd get for Riley Girl if I was a getting girl in a getting mood.  

Note: This is not a "please get Riley a present" list.  It's not.  We really do not need anything more in our house.  We've got toys spread out across 3 levels, just so she's not overwhelmed.  We have PLENTY.  I just like to window shop.  Just for the record.  Okay, resume the listing.

via
I think this fabric doll is sweet.
She'll have a doll eventually, when she's old enough.

via
I love hedgehogs!
RG has a "touch & feel" book where the hedgehog is made of velcro.
I'd put a string on this and when she decides to walk, she could pull it around!

via
Girlfriend loves phones.
She picks everything up, holds it to the side of her head, and say "Heeey!"
Except play that back in your head sounding less like a valley girl, and more like Don Corleone.

via
It's a pull-along, it's a wagon, it's a puzzle...
It's WONDER TOY!

via
I'm really kind of stuck on the dolls.
I wasn't a big "doll" girl, but I'm super excited to hook my girl up with some!
Richard, what's happening to me!?!

via
Now, this might not seem like a toy a parent would buy.
More like something an aunt or uncle buys, and gives, and then leaves for the quiet of their own home.
But baby girl loves her some percussion instruments.
And I don't mind 'em, as long as they don't have batteries.
Not a big battery-operated noise-maker fan.
Nope.

via
Although maybe I'll go with this version instead.
I could say its the colors, but I'd be lying if I said the "ships from Italy" wasn't a swaying point for me
#iloveitalians

So, that's the list.  Oh!  I just remembered, she does have another gift coming.  I ordered a set of blank nesting dolls, through this Russian connection, and my sister-in-law is hand painting them for Riley!  I believe she's doing woodland creatures, and I really hope there's a squirrel, or chipmunk in there.  Which is crazy, given  my irrational fear of those rodents.  Got any baby-gifting stories for me?  Anything you're loving lately from Etsy/Storenvy?  

<3 M.

Let's Hear It For My Man!

This guy is having a birthday today:

You may not be able to see him in the above photo, but he's there.
His ability to blend into his surroundings is something I love about him...
GOSH!  It's like he doesn't even have legs in that picture!

My husband likes boring things.  Does anyone else feel that way?  I mean, about the people in your life, not my husband (per say...).  When he told me what he wanted for his birthday, I just stared at him.  Wool toe socks?  Really?  No, I mean, REALLY?  Yep.  BO-RING.  He wanted a heart rate monitor watch, a wool base layer, and these:

That's his birthday watch there in the background.
What can I say? He gets what he wants.

I took him grocery shopping with me (which usually results in him being bored and ramming me with the grocery cart, but thankfully not this time), and struck up a conversation regarding what he wanted for his birthday dinner.  He informed me that he was actually scheduled for some hospital clinical hours on his birthday, and so there would be no birthday dinner.  Hmm...  He then picked up these babies, with longing in his eye, and talked about how delicious they would be.  So we got them, as half of his special birthday treat.  When he eats them, his breath smells like formaldehyde. The part where I don't make him eat them outside and brush his teeth immediately afterwards is the other half.

Birthday Monies, True Love, and Personal Loans ** UPDATE **

** Itidal's loan has been completely bought up!  But don't worry, there's still ton's of people who could use your help to build a better life for them & their families!  AND I have confirmation that it's 100% legit.  WOOT! **

Handsome and I went out on the town today.  Lunch date (my favorite kind, more on that later), thrift stores, riding around in the car; it was beautiful.  Other than the fact that Handsome's back is rebelling after the 3+ hour wood chopping spree he went on last weekend, so I was basically on a date with crippled, 30-years-from-now-Handsome.  But hey, that's all part of the vows, right?

Dude has mad skillz when it comes to this stuff.
Took me 26 swings (I counted).  Took him 4.
Now if only it didn't leave him stooped and shuffling.

Anyhow, we had a fan-flippin-tastic lunch at Larkin's on the River.  All fans of the Monte Cristo with parmesan crust on both sides (!!) raise your hand.  [20 second pause while I raise my hands (yes, both) enthusiastically]  But we only hit two of the shops that (prepare for a shock to your system) Handsome had planned out ahead of time.  Yes, that's right.  Mr. Spontaneous himself, Mr. What do you mean by "reservation", Mr. ... something else that implies procrastination as a life choice.  He picked out, beforehand, and without needing me there, 6 thrift stores, a quilt shop (!), and a consignment shop, plus where we were having lunch.  It was amazing.  

Seriously, I'm still reeling.  I don't know if I've been on a pre-planned date that I didn't plan since... Senior year of undergrad??  And maybe I said "We should go to the drive-in next weekend" anyhow...  Plus, he picked out a quilt/fabric store.  You could have knocked me over with a feather.  The only reason H. ever has anything to do with my sewing is because he likes the little yelps I make when I prick my finger with the pins.  That's it.  So to purposely plan to go look at quilts and fabric and odds and ends, well, let me tell you.  It doesn't get much more romantic than that.  That's true love, people, you heard it right here.  Young/Unmarried girls, look for someone who would do that.  That's how you know he's a real keeper.

My "keeper"
Also, picture-taking capabilities are a bonus.

A Birthday Means You Do What You Want

And apparently, I want to post 3 times today.  Before 5:30 PM.  Some might say that's excessive.  Know what I say?  Suck it, Trebec, it's my birthday, and I do what I want.

I guess what I wanted was to get lost in episodes of SNL Celebrity Jeopardy for umpteen minutes.  If you can get past the first few minutes of jostling, it's a great bootlegged copy.  Also, language is not G-rated, just so you know.

In other news, I made my birthday cake from this recipe from Foodess.  And then I had a small slice, because, although I do what I want, something else that I wanted was to not spoil my dinner.  A sweet friend is taking me out, since (1) Handsome is working & classing it up, and (2) I have a coupon so I'm a cheap date.  That there small slice, it was lovely.  I'm telling, were I to have an evening that did not involve my sweet friend taking me to dinner, I would totally eat at least 1/4 of that cake.

Delicious.
If she cancels on me for dinner, I'm eating this whole thing.
I won't even be mad.

Birthday Q & A

Q: Who's Got 2 Thumbs and a Birthday?

A: This girl.

But that question was easy.  Now for a harder one.

Q: Who's got 2 thumbs and a Colt Leg Knife?

A: Once again, this girl.

Fooled ya, didn't I?

Okay, final question.

Q: Who's got 2 thumbs and the best husband around?

A:  (in chorus now!) This girl!

I am treasured by my husband.  I'm also given a large amount of respect.  He'll take me to dinner, hold my hand when it's cold, and still expect me to split wood with a mall while he carries it.  He respects me as a partner, trusts me enough to depend on me, and still humors my rare-but-present girly side.  He's kind and funny, inappropriate and practical.  He's wonderful.

Okay, and now a final final question.

Q: Who has 2 thumbs and thinks being in love with her husband is the best birthday present ever?

A: This girl.

Being "this girl",

TFW

By This Point

Prepare yourself.  Ready yourself.  I'm waxing contemplative.  

I'm also wearing 5 shirts right now.  Just so you know.

I saw a some-e-cards today that paralleled what I was already thinking on.  Something to the effect of "When I was younger, I thought I'd have it all together by now."  I so don't have it all together right now.  Do you?  I'll be 26 this month, and while I know that's not old, I'm nowhere near where my 16-year-old self thought I'd be.

Ah... 16... I'm sure I remember it more fondly than I lived it, but that's the luxury of memories.  I'm sure 16-year-old me thought that by 26 (26!) I would definitely not still be doing homework on a Thursday night.  I wasn't going to still be in school.  I wasn't going to be concerned about money, not even a little bit.  I'm pretty sure I thought I'd have a nice steady job, probably teaching.  My husband would have a nice, well-paying job that allowed us to vacation twice a year.  We'd have kids by now.  I mean, c'mon, 26?! (I'm saying this to myself, mostly sarcastically).  Yeah, 16-year-old me would definitely think that 26-year-old me was messing things up.

I can hear 16-year-old me asking 26-year-old me, what about the good things in life?  Why are you pushing yourself so much, when you don't even know if you love where it'll get you?  And honestly, 26-year-old me is asking, "Yeah, why am I doing that?"

And tonight, I've got no idea.

Happy Un-birthday to me (and you!),

TFW

Man Around Town

Today is Handsome's birthday.  He turns 27 today.  I'm pretty sure he is not who he imagined himself to be at this age.  I'm pretty sure he thought he'd have kid(s), and... well, I really don't know what else he thought he'd be.  If I had to guess, if we were on The Newlywed Game, and the question posed was, "Where did your husband see himself at 27?" I'd have to answer, "Well Bob, I'm going to have to say that he didn't really think that far ahead."

And I'd probably be right.  H & I, well, we knows each otherz.

So he may or may not be the man he pictured for himself.  But hear you me: He is a better man/husband/friend than I have ever hoped or imagined him to be.  He is the best man I know, the most fun, the most adventurous, and just plain tops.  I'm super excited for this new year for him, even more excited to spend it with him.  I don't know what it will hold, although I imagine there will be much felling of trees, much more eating and laughing, and probably a few lifetime memories as the cherry on top.

Tonight, we're doing whatever he wants to do.  Which, in keeping with his usual way, he has probably not thought that much about.  But I know what I'll be doing: Thanking God that the molestache is gone.

Happy Handsome's birthday to all!

And to all a good night!

TFW